If Men Were in Charge of Weddings
- There would be a "Rehearsal Kegger" rather than a "Rehearsal Dinner."
- Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically, but omit that "forsaking all others" part.
- The couple would leave the ceremony in a souped up '73 Charger or some other Mopar with racing tires and flame designs on the side of the car. Better yet, a Harley!
- Idiots who tried to dance with the bride (unless they were really old) would get punched in the head.
- Big, slobbery dogs would be eligible for the role of "Best Man."
- There would be "Tailgate Receptions."
- Ceremonies would be short and honeymoons would be long.
- Ceremonies and honeymoons would be inexpensive compared to the cost of the bachelor party. Those strippers and liquor sure do add up.
- Men wouldn't ask, "Well, what do you think, dear? The burgundy or the wine colored napkins?" They'd just grab extras from their local pub or tavern.
- Favors would be matchbooks and cigars. Better yet, free drink passes at the local lounge.
- Instead of a sit-down dinner or a buffet, there would be a hog roast or buckets of chicken, pizza and plenty of bar-b-que.
- The bridal bouquet would be recycled from a previous funeral or something.
- Invitations would read as follows:
Tom (Dick or Harry) is getting the ol' ball and chain... He's getting married. He either: A) knocked her up, B) couldn't get a different roommate, or C) caved in to her ultimatum. Please meet the woman who will cook and clean for him For the rest of his life at Texas Stadium On the 50 Yard Line At Half-time during Sunday's Game. Please join us at The Clubhouse after the game For Beer, Nachos and Pizza. Oh yeah... B.Y.O.B