Putting things up your arse can be very horny and a big turn-on. Hopefully, whatever is going up, will come out again. Here are a number of basic guidelines to help maximise the experience and minimise the risk of loss, infection or internal damage. Your arse is relatively delicate. You should treat it with respect and it is something that you will wish to keep in good condition for years to come both for sex and shitting.
All sorts of things can go in but not all of them come out as easily. Think about this before you do it. For example (and its not recommended): Putting an open-ended bottle up your arse will create a vacuum and it can get stuck when trying to pull it out. Glass objects can be particularly dangerous if they shatter inside the arse. Vibrators can slip very easily out of your hands and up an unsuspecting arse. Buzzing your way into an Accident and Emergency Department may have some novelty value but, if its not fished out immediately, it will go on and on and on until the batteries wear out. And you're 'in for bumpy ride' if you're using long life! Trying to retrieve light bulbs, apples, cock rings, and golf balls, at 3am in casualty ceases to be sexy after about two minutes. It can also be time consuming, dangerous and embarrassing. The bottom line is that anything you let go of may be difficult to grab hold of again as it gets sucked up your arse. Remember the only area that is touch sensitive is the first couple of inches so that's where you'll get the most out of it. The rectum is only sensitive to stretch. If you're new to assplay (and have never been fisted) playing with dildos is a great way of exploring your arse, knowing how it feels and where your limits are. It is always tempting to think that bigger is better and that only the Empire State Building up your jacksie will make you cum.
WHY CAN IT FEEL SO GOOD?
Whether it's a finger, cock, dildo or fist, the practicalities of what happens when they go into your arse are relatively similar. For the sake of this explanation imagine using a throbbing 7 inch cock (17cm). The bottom sphincter muscle needs to relax to allow the cock up the anal canal. Some of us find playing around with the arse or the crack of the arse (using perhaps your tongue or a finger) will help open up the entrance. Lubricant for this is not just essential, but also fun. The anal canal and rectum can stretch greatly but will contract automatically when pain occurs. If you're getting fucked, you ideally need to want it and draw it inside your arse. You can make this easier by 'pushing down' as if you are opening your arse to shit and its often very horny for both of you this way. With the cock just inside the rectum you can push it in and out just to this depth, rubbing and stimulating the anal canal which is touch sensitive.
Alternatively, you can take the cock further into the rectum to about 4-5 inches. Depending on how its angled, you can rub and stimulate the prostate gland, which sits on the other side of the rectum wall. There doesn't appear to be to be any particular reason why there are so many nerve endings in the prostate but it is a pretty good design feature! Combined with what's already going on in your anal canal, stimulating the prostate gland will encourage you to cum. This may be exactly what you want but you may also find that you cum too quickly. Taking the cock right up into the rectum will continue to stimulate the anal canal. With most of the 8 inches up the arse, the end will be near the top sphincter muscle (at the bottom of the sphincter muscle). If the cock pounds against it or hits some of the nerves around the bottom of the spinal cord this can cause considerable discomfort to the person being fucked. Again, the muscle needs to relax teased open by the action but never forced. An 8 inch cock will probably get through the top muscle but this of course depends on the build of the person and the fuck position.
DILDOS OR SEX TOYS
Dildos are things you stick up your arse. Usually made of rubber compounds, they come in all shapes and sizes and you'd be as well to consider what you want to get out of their use before you buy one. For example, broader based dildos will tend to stretch and stimulate your anal canal. If you want to excite your prostate you'll probably need one that's longer and thinner. It is easier to keep hold of dildos with balls or a base. Butt plugs are smaller and stumpier but will stay in (until taken out) and will help keep your arse open. Fingers (albeit small) are in effect dildos and if you stick them up more than one arse (as with dildos or butt plugs) there is a risk of infection. If you're buying a dildo don't necessarily think big, you can always buy another one and prices can vary enormously, so on cost alone it's worth shopping around.
SHARING FINGERS, COCKS, DILDOS AND FISTS
If you are sharing fingers, dildos or fists between arses or mouths (very possibly covered with traces of blood, cum, shit or piss) this can put you or your partner(s) at risk from HIV or other STD's. Generally, we don't cover our fingers when we put them up our own arse but they should be washed thoroughly if they are then going up anybody else's. The same applies if you finger someone else first and then want to finger yourself. Alternatively you can use a finger-cot (a condom for your finger) with a new cot used on each partner. If you are using condoms, your cock should only go up one arse with each condom. If there's more than one arse on offer, use a fresh condom. Similarly, if you're using gloves a new glove should be used with each partner. The same applies to dildos and toys. Getting into the habit of always using a condom on a dildo (whether you're by yourself or not) will also give you repeated opportunities to practice putting on and taking off condoms.
SIZE, SHAPE, FORCE AND LOSS
Sharp, hard or cold objects are much more likely to make your arse contract and cause damage. Better suited are flexible, smooth edged and warm dildos or dildo shaped objects. Glass objects tend to break or shatter under pressure, and for this reason it does not make sense to insert light bulbs, glasses or bottles. However, bruising or damage has usually more to do with the force with which dildos (or cocks) are inserted or removed, particularly if your sphincter muscle(s) are closed or are taken by surprise. If the dildo bangs into a muscle it contracts or tightens up making further penetration difficult. Apart from anything else - it fucking hurts! An example of this happening is when a guy shoves his cock up his mate's arse before the bottom sphincter has relaxed.
If you get something lost, it is sometimes possible to retrieve it before deciding whether you ought to go to an Accident and Emergency Department. Going back inside your arse may be more difficult as you'll probably be feeling stressed or worried which often means that your sphincter muscles will have tightened up. You need to relax, and use lots of lubricant. 'Tease' those muscles open gently and take your time. Alternatively you may be able to wait and shit it out naturally. However, if you're bleeding, or experiencing pain or discomfort: seek medical help immediately.
YOUR SKIN, HANDS, FINGERS AND NAILS
Whether you're playing with dildos or fisting, hands should be in a good condition. Skin should be unbroken and have no cuts, sores or abrasions. Fingernails should be clean, short, and filed to remove any rough edges. Cuticles (that's where your finger nails join your fingers) should be smooth and unbroken. You can soften rough hands and calluses with a moisturiser. However, oil based moisturisers on your hands then coming into contact with condoms may damage them and make them less effective against HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases.
You should wear gloves if your skin is broken or has cuts, sores or abrasions, or if cuticles are torn or split, or if fingernails are damaged, ragged or raw. This is because damaged or broken skin is more likely to provide routes for infection to get into the body. Blood, cum, and shit may be infected with HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases like hepatitis, gonorrhoea, syphilis, and herpes.
LONG TERM EFFECTS OF ARSEPLAY
Some would argue that in addition to the risk of HIV/STD's the use of dildos and fisting means that there is a gradual reduction in the elasticity and co-ordination of the sphincter muscles which can ultimately result in permanent damage. This can lead to problems in shitting and incontinence. Certainly there are men with arses the size of the Grand Canyon which may be the result of over use.
Others would argue that by taking sensible precautions we can reduce the risk of HIV/STD infection to an acceptable level. Like many other parts of our bodies, with practice and care, we can tone up and improve our sphincter muscle control. Furthermore, by gaining an understanding of our digestive system and the workings of our arse, we are better able to manage and care for them.
It's difficult to imagine us not using our arses for sex in some way. And so, in the absence of any clear information about the long-term effects of arseplay, the following guidelines are - admittedly - a compromise between over doing it and not doing it
- use your arse - don't abuse it
- treat your arse with care and respect listen to what your body has to say
- if in doubt - don't
- adopt good techniques in arse preparation and play
- don't do anything that causes pain or discomfort
- respond quickly to any problems or complications
- go for regular check-ups
BLOOD AND INJURY
During or after sex, you may see a 'little pink' in the lubricant. Some of us maintain that this is not unusual and that this is not necessarily a reason to stop, at least not immediately. However, it is important to make clear that physical damage has already been done. Furthermore, if gloves have not been used and your hands aren't in perfect condition, there could be a risk of HIV/STD transmission.
If the blood becomes thicker or darker in colour you should stop what you're doing. If there is pain, discomfort or continued blood loss, go to a doctor, a GUM/STD clinic or casualty immediately. Alternatively, you could phone your local police station who will know the nearest accident and emergency department, (no - you don't have to tell them what's happened!) It can sometimes be several hours before you realise that harm has been done. Indications that there is a problem may include a temperature, persistent pain or discomfort, sweating, feeling nauseous or weak.
IF IN DOUBT GET ADVICE OR HELP
If your partner ends up with most of your bowel lining in their hand, now is not the time to get out the Pritt stick and your Blue Peter annuals with their handy home repair hints.
HOW YOUR ARSE WORKS
THE BEGINNING & THE END
Your arse is just the beginning, or rather the end, of your digestive and waste disposal system. This is one of the most important functioning parts of our bodies, which extracts nutrients and goodness from the food we eat and then gets rid of the waste. Many people believe that this is just a small tube linked to the stomach where shit sits waiting for the rectal express to the toilet via your arse. If you're anything like this, your digestive system is about 27 feet (8m) short. In fact, from mouth to arsehole, it's a 30-foot (9m) long canal, regulated by a series of canal locks and chambers, and lined with muscles that massage the food and waste along.
After eating, food can spend anything up to 6 hours in the stomach, a 'J' shaped organ about 14 inches (35cm) long. Here, acids and enzymes digest food until it becomes a semi-liquid soup that you've seen from time to time as vomit with diced carrots. The speed at which food leaves the stomach depends on what you've eaten and what's going on further down the line. Nerves connect the arse to the stomach and vice versa and transmit messages to control the flow of food and waste. For example, you may experience discomfort or pains in your stomach if you are constipated or being fucked or fisted. Conversely, when you eat, quite often you want to go for a shit.
THE SMALL INTESTINE
Only in a semi-liquid form is the food passed on to the next stage of digestion the small intestine, a rubbery tube, an inch (2.5cm) wide and some 21 feet (6.5m) long. This is made up of the duodenum 10 inches (25m), the jejunum 10 feet (3m) and ileum 13 feet (4m). Although these sections of your intestine are all slightly different in what they do, it's here that the nutrients and goodness in food are extracted.
THE LARGE INTESTINE
What remains resembles a rich vegetable soup, which passes into the large intestine. This is rather like an inverted 'U' shaped pipe, 6 feet (2m) long, which joins the small intestine at the bottom right hand corner, near your appendix. This is made up of four sections: the ascending, transverse, descending, and sigmoid colons. Here, much of the water and salt from the waste is absorbed back into the body as it passes through and consequently the shit becomes more solid. By the time it leaves the sigmoid colon and reaches the rectum, shit is normally in discrete turds of a good consistency and reasonable size. Shit in the rectum leaves by way of the anal canal and finally your arsehole. The sigmoid colon is best described as the final packaging and holding bay, the rectum is the dispatch area and the anal canal to your arsehole is the main gate. This is achieved by good muscle control much of which we know little about and yet it hopefully lasts us an entire lifetime.
THE RECTUM ANAL CANAL & ARSEHOLE
Around the connecting tube between your sigmoid colon and rectum is a ring of muscle that angles the tube in such a way as to close it off. This (sphincter) muscle regulates the waste leaving the sigmoid colon; without it, your rectum would fill up continuously and you'd be shitting all the time. Your rectum is a stretchy 4-5 inch (10-13cm) muscular tube that can stretch to the size of a clenched fist (when full of shit) or a hand. Below your rectum is the anal canal, 1-2 inches (2-5cm) long, which ends in your arse hole. The surface of the rectum and the anal canal is usually covered with a thin layer of mucus or natural lubricant designed to help with shitting and which also helps offer protection from infections. If you rub the surface, you quickly exhaust the supply of mucus, which is why you need additional lubricant when putting anything up the arse.
At the bottom of the anal canal, is another sphincter muscle made up of two smaller interconnected rings of muscle. One of them is not under your direct control but responds to internal body messages; for example, when the rectum is full or when you cough - the muscle tightens. When the muscle doesn't work properly you leak. You have more control over the other muscle, which you can relax or tighten at will. Try it now - you see control is everything.
The weight of shit stretching the sides of the sigmoid colon signals the top sphincter muscle to relax briefly allowing a measured amount into the rectum. This is also called a movement. If you're ready to go and usually sitting on a toilet, the bottom sphincter muscle relaxes and lets the shit down the anal canal and out through your arse hole.
SENSATION TO ENLARGEMENT PAIN & TOUCH
The rectum only senses enlargement and stretch, whilst the anal canal can sense temperature, touch and pain. This makes the anal canal more fun to play with than the rectum, which will only notice if you stretch its walls. Above the rectum there are no receptors to sense pain or injury so penetration beyond this point is more risky. To the front of the rectum (tummy side) is your prostate gland, doughnut-shaped and about the size of a chestnut. This is very sensitive to pressure and harpoon guns. At orgasm, it releases fluid and nutrients in which sperm swim and live.
There are many factors involved in shitting property and many of these can go wrong. If your sphincter muscles don't seal properly then you may leak or shit yourself. Ulcers or a split in the anal canal may mean you get pain and a tighter sphincter muscle. If you regularly use laxatives, you may damage the nerve supply to this area and then either get diarrhoea or constipation. If you experience anything out of the ordinary or have any concerns - go to a doctor. Prevention or early treatment is preferable to suffering, or getting serious complications needing surgery.
Diarrhoea is usually caused by an irritation of the intestine lining or infection in your small or large intestine. Quite simply, your body wants to get rid of whatever the problem is and, if it can't vomit it out, it needs to get it through your system as quickly as possible. The little muscles that massage your food along go into over-drive (which is what can cause stomach aches, pain and cramps). The locks and valves regulating the flow of your digestive system open up to help flush-out infections or irritants and your body is so desperate to get rid of it that it doesn't have time to extract the water from your turds. It's at times like this that your open to release that all too familiar brown sludge.
Oddly enough, we sometimes underestimate our body's ability to deal with situations like this. Generally, speaking, it is best to let nature take its course - not forgetting to drink lots of fluids (containing salt and sugar) to help wash out your digestive system and prevent dehydration However, if symptoms persist - get it checked out.
Constipation can be caused by spasms in the large intestine, insufficient bulk or roughage in your diet, lack of exercise or stress. Shit passing through the colon - which extracts just enough water to turn the sludge into solid turds, can get stuck there where they continue to 'dry out' until they become hard and knotted. Shitting is then painful as the hardened turds rub abrasively against the walls of your colon, rectum and anal canal.
Haemorrhoids are veins near the surface of the bottom part of your anal canal that have become inflamed, forming pockets or bags of blood. Initially, they'll stay inside but they can, over time, get larger and be pulled towards your arse hole by the downward motion of shitting. If constipated, straining makes them much worse. Sometimes they split open and can bleed, often quite profusely.
Lowering stress levels, taking regular exercise and a balanced diet will all play important roles in helping to ensure that your digestive system works well and is problem free. Dietary advice to prevent constipation is based on the effects of certain foods being able to resist digestion. Such foods increase the weight (and volume) of shit, and are also able to bind water more effectively, forming a turd that is softer, and easier to shit from the body. Fruit and vegetables, both cooked and raw, whole-grain cereal products such as brown rice, wholemeal bread, flour products and whole-wheat breakfast cereals are excellent turd-bulking agents and the maxim is the more the merrier. Pulses, such as lentils and beans, are also known to be effective, although the novice may become rather farty and will need to adjust intakes accordingly.
The addition of bran to the diet (along with sufficient fluid intake) can provide some relief from constipation, although this should not be a substitution for a healthy diet. Diets which are more likely to lead to constipation include dairy products, fatty foods and foods which have little or no fibre. If you experience pain, discomfort, if you're not shitting softish turds regularly or if you have any concerns - visit your doctor. Some (GUM/STD) clinics also offer advice and information on diet and healthier living.
At a very young age we are taught to dispose of shit needy and hopefully silently and are not encouraged to talk about one of life's messy taboos. Consequently, for many of us, it's not something we deal with very well. There's probably been a time in all our lives when, during sex, we've shit ourselves or seen our partner(s) do the same. Embarrassing or what! Like many things in life, with practice and familiarity we can get it right. Whether you're learning to drive, using a computer, or putting in your first set of contact lenses, the experience is often uncomfortable or daunting at first. Douching for the first time is no different. Quite apart from cleaning you out, douching is a good way for you to get to know your arse, how it feels and works. Whilst shit can be unpleasant to some people, douching helps to put it into perspective and over time it becomes little more than an occupational hazard. Putting water inside you arse triggers your sphincter muscles to relax, letting out the water and the shit. Although never foolproof, douching makes fucking, heavy lingering, using dildos and in particular fisting, much cleaner.
Douching by itself can cause irritation as the water washes away friendly bacteria and a protective mucus lining the inside of your arse. Rough or careless douching technique can bruise the wall of your arse and breaks in the surface are more susceptible to infections, which can be difficult and unpleasant to treat. Furthermore, if your arse is damaged, this can provide a way into the body for cum, blood, piss and shit, possibly infected with HIV and other STD's. You can minimise these risks with good technique, and by maintaining your douche equipment.
There are three types of douche equipment. Which ever method you use, the principle remains the same: you're clearing yourself out with water: (shower or tap) hose attachments which produces the most consistent supply of water and allows you to control the pressure; gravity feed douches which depends on gravity to take the water into your arse; and bulb syringe douches that offers a handy and ever so portable alternative to the other two methods but which relies on you to pump the water inside.
HOW FAR TO DOUCHE & STAYING CLEAN
What you want to do sexually usually determines how far you'll want to douche and the further up you douche the longer you'll remain clean. Douching to the depth you require comes with practice. Factors to consider are how far up you put the nozzle, the amount and pressure of water and how long you keep the water inside before releasing it. You have sphincter muscles above and below the rectum and you need to bear in mind that there is sometimes shit above both of them. When douching the rectum, the nozzle or the build-up of water can accidentally stimulate the top sphincter muscle, which may relax and let a dump of shit down from the sigmoid colon. This often means that you have to douche again. What was to be a 10-15 minute douche now takes much longer as you have to wash out the area above the top muscle as well as the rectum. However with practice, you will improve your muscle control and sense how long your douche will take.
It's difficult to gauge how long you'll remain clean. Factors to take into consideration include what and when you last ate, to what extent you've douched and whether you have any diarrhoea, irritation or infection. For example, if you eat after douching, your digestive system, like a conveyer belt, moves everything along and this is likely to affect the time you'll stay clean. All things being equal - if you douche lightly you should be all right for 2-4 hours, with a deeper douche 4-6 hours, often longer. Apart from the discomfort of having sex after a big meal, eating after douching will reduce the time you remain clean. You also need to remember that occasional muscle reflexes from the rectum to the stomach and small intestine can cause symptoms such as tummy upset and cramps which also speeds the food towards the rectum.
HOSE (TAP BATH & SHOWER) ATTACHMENTS
Using a hose attachment is an effective way to clear out the rectum and, if you want to go further, the sigmoid colon and further up. A hose attachment with a continuous stream of water is more likely to accomplish this than gravity or bulb syringe douches which uses less water, pumped in manually.
You attach one end of the hose to the shower or bath/sink taps and slide the nozzle end up your arse, making sure that the water pressure and temperature are correct. This type of douche (or direct plumbing hook-up) runs the risk of unexpected changes, which can be uncomfortable or even dangerous. Gauging the correct pressure comes with practice but as a guide: turn the head of water upward like a fountain - it should be no more than 1-2 inches (2-5cm) high. Some hot water systems are not able to provide warm water at this low rate of flow and the only way you'll get water at the right temperature is with a higher fountain. Just be careful. If the water pressure's too high, this is the classic way to perforate or 'puncture' the wall of your rectum or colon. This is not that common but it does happen and monitoring flow and temperature will significantly reduce any risks. However, a hose is more likely to wash away the protective mucus lining your arse than a gravity or bulb syringe douche. Any infections taken into your rectum or already present can be taken further up where it can be difficult to treat. Again, anecdotal evidence suggests that this is not common but, it does happen and good hygiene will significantly reduce any risks.
GRAVITY FEED DOUCHE
This method is slower but some believe safer. Douche kits of this type usually consist of a plastic 3-4 pint (2 litre) bag, a 3 foot (1 metre) tube, a 5-6 inch (1 2cm) nozzle and a small on/off tap to control the flow. The bag is filled with water and hung about 5-6 feet (2 metres) above the toilet. The water pressure increases, the higher you raise the bag. Gravity carries the water down the tube into your rectum through the nozzle that you put up your arse. The tap is used to control the flow. One bag of water may not be enough; to avoid running out, an extra jug of water is handy. As a rough guide, it takes about 10-20 minutes, perhaps longer, particularly if your shit is loose. Gravity feed douches will clear out the rectum and sigmoid colon and can be a better option if you want to douche beyond. This is because the flow of water is gentler and allows the douche to go further up the colon before the muscles react. Hose attachments are more likely to stimulate your sphincter muscles making them react and releasing the water before it can flow beyond the sigmoid colon.
BULB SYRINGE DOUCHE
If you don't have facilities to use a hose or gravity feed douche, a bulb syringe is a practical alternative. The size of a bulb syringe douche will restrict how far you can douche. They are used to clear out the bottom part of the rectum, although larger ones will clear out the rectum fully. This method can, but is unlikely to, reach and clear out your sigmoid colon. The equipment consists of bulb-shaped container made of rubber and a plastic or rubbery nozzle that you either screw on or push into the top. They vary in size holding between 125-250ml (3-8fl oz). You fill the bulb with water, insert the nozzle up your arse and squeeze the bulb to pump the water into your rectum.
WHAT TO DO
If you're new to douching, above all: be gentle and feel your way. Take your time and never rush. The following information and tips are an ideal. With practice and time you'll adapt them to suit your own needs. Their aim is to ensure that you do the job as well as possible and reduce the risk of complications or infection to an absolute minimum.
First of all, try and shit naturally before douching, then decide where you're going to douche. The bathroom / toilet is usually the best place but wherever you do it remember that pushing lumps of shit down a shower or bath plughole isn't much fun and can upset hotel staff, flat mates or your mother!
- When you're ready to start, wash your hands thoroughly. You may wish to lock the door (unless you want someone to watch). A towel within easy reach is often useful
- Using tepid water will make douching easier and more comfortable. Make sure metal douche nozzles are warm. Using cold water is like throwing your arse into a freezer - it clamps up and can send you into shock. Let the water run through for a few seconds to make sure it is at the correct pressure and temperature
- Smearing a little lubricant on the inside of the entrance of your arse and on the nozzle end will help it slip inside. (As you continue to douche you might need to re-lube the nozzle)
- Relax your sphincter muscles and gently slide the nozzle up into your arsehole, this usually varies between 3-5 inches (7-12cm). Then, without straining, close your sphincter muscles (to help keep the water inside). As you feel your rectum filling with water, you'll feel the urge to shit. Try to take in as much water as you can comfortably, but never strain to keep the water inside. Relax your sphincter muscles to let out the water and any shit. Take in more water to repeat the process until you're flushing out clear water
- You will probably need to hold the nozzle in place with your hand while you're douching. When you let the water and shit out, your hand is very likely to come into direct contact with it. This may come as a bit of a shock to you but however, unpleasant as it may seem, shit is nothing more than the remains of digested food. (And if you enjoy rimming - then you should have nothing to complain about)
If you hurry your douche by perhaps thrusting the nozzle inside or banging it against a sphincter muscle, your arse will register the pain by tightening up or prematurely emptying out the water and shit. These spasms or cramps may mean your experience some discomfort but this is not so much dangerous as unpleasant. Your muscles usually settle down after a few minutes. As was said earlier, the answer is usually very simple: be gentle and take your time. With care and practice, you should be able to manipulate the water to get into those little unseen nooks and crannies. Each person's arse is different but as a rough guide it can take 5-10 flushes to clear yourself out depending on how much shit there is inside you, its consistency, and your muscle control. When you've finished you may feel that there's some water caught inside. Be careful for a while afterwards, as there's nothing worse than dumping a load of douche water on the floor or on the bus! You may feel the need to get rid of the water, but remember that your colon is an expert in absorbing water back into the body. Within 10-20 minutes or so you will probably feel okay, but you may want to piss. Remember that douching is never foolproof. Sometimes you can clean yourself out and then find yourself wanting to shit ten minutes later. There will be other times when you'll remain clean longer than you anticipated. Practice and experience are your best guides.
KEEPING DOUCHE EQUIPMENT CLEAN
Ideally, clean your equipment before and after use. Wash it in hot soapy water. If the equipment is being shared, flush it through with a one-part bleach to ten parts water (1:10) solution. Rinse it thoroughly with water or the next time you use the equipment you may flush soap or bleach residues into your arse (not very clever). Ensure that your douche equipment is in good condition and free of nicks or cracks where infections may lurk in wait. Some people will flush the equipment through with a bleach solution just to make extra sure it is free of infection. However, this can damage and 'rot' some rubber douches. You can also boil metal douches, but remember to let it cool down again before use!
As a host (if you've taken someone back), you have a responsibility to ensure that a guest knows where to douche, and what they should and shouldn't use by way of bathroom douche and shower utensils. (Remember to provide clean towels). As a guest (if you've been taken back), you have a responsibility to make sure you know where you can douche, and what facilities you can and can't use.
Some of us get turned on by taking as much of a hand as far inside the arse as possible. Practice is the name of the game and almost everyone can accommodate at least a few fingers. To get a fist in and out safety does require more effort time and concentration on the part of both partners. In this chapter the term 'fister' has been used for the person giving the fist, 'fistee' the person receiving.
While there are obvious benefits to fisting with an experienced partner, learning with another novice can be just as safe and horny. It's advisable to take some time to get to know each other, and to try and discover each other's fantasies. Whatever happens it is important for both of you - but particularly the fistee - that you feel relaxed and comfortable. Foreplay should never be underestimated in helping develop a sense of rapport, trust and humour. Codes or 'stop/start rules' are essential and should be agreed beforehand. 'Stop' from a fistee means stop immediately and 'out' means out albeit, very slowly and with extreme care. The important thing is to talk about what you want and not to assume or guess.
If you fist beyond the rectum you may encounter several problems and complications are more likely to occur. There are no receptors to register pain above the rectum. Perforations and subsequent bleeding can go unnoticed for several hours. You're more inclined to press against and bruise other body organs. You may damage the upper sphincter muscle so that it doesn't close property (but still has to regulate shit passing between the sigmoid colon and rectum) which can result in leaks or shitting yourself.
If a person allows you deep into their body, they are putting a tremendous amount of trust in you. Be extremely gentle and careful and take all movement slowly. Sudden movements can be very painful. Never do anything that could tear or injure. The more you go in, the more you might find yourself pressing against your partner's organs, so take great care. If the fistee wants you to be up there, he will be encouraging you.
First, if you're into controlling others in sex or if your trip is power, then don't fist unless it is part of an agreed scene. An experienced fister knows that such control is a fantasy. When you're buried inside someone else, it is the fistee that allows you the privilege of being there. They are putting trust in you that you will respect their vulnerability and together create a combined energy that neither of you could ever create on your own. A good fister is totally focused on the needs of the fistee and is aware that each partner is different physically and mentally. There is no one best way to do anything and using a particular technique on one person may not work on another.
Before you start, choose which hand you're going to use. A combination of fisting and then wanking with the same hand could increase the risk of infections both ways. Remove all rings, jewellery or sharp objects, which may cause damage or just get lost! If you are going to fist 'bareback' i.e without gloves then check to make sure your fingernails are cut short so as to not tear the lining of the rectum. If you do have cuts or 'hangnails' then it would be advisable to wear gloves. Cover your entire hand and partner's arsehole with a generous coating of lubricant. The kind of lubricant depends on your personal preference. Then slowly press in and out with one finger. When there is no resistance, increase to two. Try using just a thumb, using its base to broaden the opening further, and twisting slowly. When your partner is ready, gently work in three fingers until you find yourself to the knuckles. Each time you come out add more lubricant making sure there's lubricant ahead of you. This will prevent drying out which can cause major discomfort for both of you. Initial opening up is often a slow process.
Never rush, savour the moment and take your time. Do not assume that gaining entrance (past your knuckles) to the rectum will be quick and easy. It is often the greatest challenge for fisters and the most likely point when inexperienced fistees will want to have a break or stop altogether. Before gaining full entry into the rectum, find an angle of approach that fists most comfortably and try to avoid pushing against any bony structure.
Often the most sensuous moment of the session is the gentle slide of your hand into the cavity. If they take them, some fistees like their first hit of poppers at this point. Enter just as slowly as possible allowing your partner to savour the moment. Once inside, rest a few seconds until your partner's body has had time to adjust. To confirm adequate relaxation, it may be appropriate to come out completely, slowly and carefully, and re-enter again. Above all, be sensitive to the needs of your partner and you'll know what to do when you get there. Your hand is now situated in your partner's rectum, which is about 8-10 inches (20-25cm) deep and will expand on stretching. Having entered the rectum you should curve your fingers to make a fist with your thumb inside, although practice will provide variations on this. Once you've settled inside, a gentle in-and-out motion (without pulling out of the cavity) will usually help your partner relax. Taking cues from your partner, allow yourself to be subtly creative, changing the speed, twist and depth.
As you gently work yourself inside, allow your hand to slowly open. Then go slowly - and gently - feeling your way deeper into the passage. Your partner will probably let you know with groans and moans whether to proceed or stay right where you are. Also he will tell you when it's time for a break perhaps having cum, sensed impending soreness, reached exhaustion or just a need to rest from the overwhelming experience and emotion. Sometimes you'll be the one who initiates the break, realising that your partner is overdoing it or that your hand is getting dry. Sometimes, you will reach orgasm or just run out of energy. Your break may be for a few seconds or may signal a major rest period, or perhaps your partner may have had just enough for that session. As you become more experienced with each other, fisters will be able to gauge how much the fistee can take in a session. A thoughtful fistee will also make sure to see to their partner's needs.
In theory, almost anyone can take a hand inside the rectum although few people have the ability to relax enough to do it easily or at will. The technique is about learning to relax and let go rather than stretching the anal canal - allowing your arse muscles to accept entrance from the outside with the same ease they should be allowing release from the inside.PRACTICE
You can loosen up by using increasingly larger dildos and butt-plugs. A more effective way is to increase control of your sphincter muscles by exploring your arse with your own fingers, (clean and lubed of course). Once again - practice is the name of the game. Explore gently, see how this part of your body reacts to deep breathing or thoughts of fear and relaxation. Remember. Go slowly, take your time and don't push; it's not a race or competition. If your arse feels threatened or attacked it will react in fear, and tighten up. (As mentioned earlier, douching will help familiarise yourself with your arse - getting a sense of where things are and their dimensions). With greater control dildos and butt-plugs will be more pleasurable and give you experience in stretching and taking more and more inside you. A fistee needs to remain relaxed, which is helped by practice. Breathing deeply, rather than holding your breath, will often help. You should be pulling or willing your partner in so that there's no need to push. Sometimes pushing out as if shitting, then pulling in can make a difference.
As a fistee you have a responsibility to let your partner know you're okay. You should also be aware that your partner may need a break and has needs of his own, which a considerate fistee will attempt to meet. If you sense or feel discomfort or have pain tell your partner to slow down, take a break or stop. It's your body - if it's telling you something: listen. Pain could mean that you're going to be sore later or hurt. More importantly, if your partner isn't listening or thinks they know better question whether they're suitable and maybe suggest they take their frustrations elsewhere. Ultimately, it is trust - the absence of fear - that not only makes taking a hand possible but makes it the great experience it can be. You also have a responsibility to let your partner know when it's feeling good. Support them all you can: maybe talk, moan or groan, or if you can touch him respond to movements you can feel inside.
BLOOD SORENESS PAIN & DAMAGE
A little soreness is common and usually goes away in an hour or so and it may also indicate that your partner went in or came out a bit too fast. The most common feeling is that your arse feels like it is purring (A la Eartha Kitt). Sometimes air will have worked its way into the system but this will feel no different from standard gas pain and will work its way through in time. Once the prostate and bladder have been stimulated, it's also common to feel the need to piss afterwards and often not be able to do so easily. As stated earlier, there are risks associated with fisting and damage can happen and can include perforations or holes in your lower intestine. These may be little (or not so little) fissures or splits or can range from bleeding to a prolapsed rectum requiring surgery. You should not underestimate any of these problems or complications. This is usually as a result of the fister being unnecessarily rough or the fistee being too drugged up to recognise their limitations. A tear or perforation may not be noticed for an hour or two. Internal pain (that often increases over time) and or undiluted blood is an indication of damage. Douching after a session is not a good idea as this can aggravate any minor cuts or abrasions. In the remote possibility that there are minute perforations or tears, douching is likely to make them more severe.
Don't hesitate to seek medical help immediately. Try not to be embarrassed or apologetic if you have to go to an Accident and Emergency Department. Although hospital staff may think what you've done is strange, they should deal with you professionally and will have very possibly seen it all before. If you have perforated your bowel going to hospital can save your life.
FEELING SICK DROWSINESS & FOOD
After your session, you may feel the need to shit out the lube and any mucus, and this is not unnatural, given what you have just been doing. Take your time, and don't strain. You may also feel sick, drowsy or perhaps a little confused. Between heavy breathing, smoke from candles, incense, cigarettes, and using poppers or other drugs you may have used up much of the oxygen in the room. All you might need is to open the windows or go for a short walk. Alternatively, you may just want to sleep! You may also feel hungry, so if you can, plan ahead and have something easy to make or ready made. Even if you don't have the munchies, make sure you drink lots of non-alcoholic fluids.
( Condoms gloves and lubricants )
While many of us know how to protect ourselves, some of us have taken the decision not to, and the reasons for this are varied and complex. Knowledge about HIV, the assumptions we make about others, the trust we place in our partner(s), knowing one's status, how we feel about ourselves, feeling horny, and being in love - all play a part in the decisions we take, whether we realise it or not. When we don't protect ourselves, finding out why, dealing with guilt or simply talking about it is not easy. 'Bareback' sex (fucking without condoms) is something that I am not going to get into on these pages, sufficed to say, that those who do it, do it for their own reasons, and provided all those concerned are in possession of the facts about each others status (HIV/HBV etc.) and are happy to continue knowing the risks, then that is their decision. There are those more capable and qualified to provide the support and education needed.
However, we learn to live with the implications of the decisions we make. Talking with friends is not the answer, and ultimately we must decide for ourselves what risks we're prepared to take, but it may be helpful. There are an increasing number of services specifically for gay men that can support us to make intelligent, well-informed decisions about our sexual health, and they are not there simply to tell us to 'practise safer sex!'
HIV & STD'S
For there to be a risk from HIV infection three things have to happen:
- HIV has to be in pre-cum, cum or blood, but since we invariably don't know if a person's body fluids are infected with HIV, we should always assume that they are. Piss, shit and saliva are okay by themselves (although they might carry the risk of other STD's) but are also a risk of HIV infection if they are mixed with cum, pre-cum or blood
- There has to be a way (or route) for the virus to get into the bloodstream, like broken skin, a nick or cut, a sore, or a wound. Although we might think that no route exists, it's impossible to check out the inside of your arse or be certain that our hands are in good condition.
- Something has to happen (or an activity) involving 1 and 2. Using dildos, fucking, or fisting would be three examples of activities where pre-cum, cum or blood could present a risk of infection
In addition to HIV there is the risk of other sexually transmitted diseases. These include: the hepatitis viruses (which can fuck up your liver), gonorrhoea (which can be like pissing jagged razor blades), and syphilis (with painless sores that, if left untreated, can lead to more severe health problems). Last, but by no means least, there is herpes and warts. In the earlier stages, many of these STD's can have few or no symptoms so regular check-ups are essential.
The basic component of condoms and most gloves is rubber, This is made from latex, a naturally occurring product, which is obtained from a few tropical and non-tropical plants as a milky juice by carefully peeling back the bark of the tree. The main source is the rubber tree, which grows up to 30 metres tall. Initially it was found in the jungles of Malaysia where rubber was already known to Maya culture; but it was only with the invention of vulcanisation (and no it has nothing to do with Mr.Spock!), a process developed by Goodyear in the late 1830's, that 'rubber' was born. Adding particles of sulphur to rubber produces an increase in the strength and a reduction in elasticity (stretchiness), which can be used as required for the manufacture of soft or hard rubber. Today, condom and glove production uses a large number of additives in order to accelerate the process and dictate the product's texture, strength and elasticity.
RUBBER (LATEX) GLOVES
Not everyone uses gloves for fisting. Some people find that wearing them defeats the object, that it's physical closeness of 'naked' hand against arse mixed with the intensity of the scene - which turns both partners on and plays a major part in completing the experience. It is generally accepted that if your hands and fingers are in good condition the risk of HIV is relatively low. However, you will reduce the risk further by wearing gloves and if you feel safer wearing them - use them. Wearing gloves creates a barrier between infections (present in blood, cum, piss and shit) and routes into your bloodstream (like cuts, sores, abrasions, broken skin and wounds). It also means that a shitty-gloved hand can be pulled off, turned inside out and disposed of easily.
Some clinics give away gloves but you will probably have to ask for them. You can buy them in shops; unfortunately you will often find that retailers have bought them in bulk, split them into pairs and are knocking them out at vastly inflated prices. Whether gloves come individually, in pairs or in bulk (boxes of 50 or 100), the standards to which they have been made should be clearly visible, Gloves should meet the International ISO 9002 or British Standard BS4005. 1995 also saw the arrival of the CE European Standard. If you don't see these standards you should ask if they are medical grade A examination gloves, (not to be confused with grade B gloves which are for non-clinical use).
You should remove all rings, jewellery or sharp objects before putting on gloves which should fit snugly. The chart should help you decide the best size for you. Obviously, the better they fit - the more you will be able to feel. Generally, gloves covering your hands to the wrist are suitable although some brands have longer cuffs. Some gloves come pre-powdered which can make them easier to put on, but the powder can irritate the arse if it gets inside. Veterinary (calving) gloves can be used for fisting although you may find that they restrict your hand and finger movements, and sense of touch.
In the past, condoms have been made out of all sorts of materials including oiled paper, linen or animal gut. Up until the 1930's rubber condoms were thick, washable and re-usable. However, the development of latex in the later 1930's meant that thinner, disposable condoms could be produced. These were more sensitive than their predecessors and have guaranteed manufacturers more regular incomes! There are now plastic condoms on the market (made of the same material as Femidoms), the most easily available and well known one is called Avanti manufactured by Durex. These newer condoms are 'oil friendly', so if you wanted to use an oilbased lube for fisting and then fuck afterwards, these ones are ok to use.
SHAPES SIZES LUBRICANTS & FLAVOURS
Different shaped condoms are designed for different shaped cocks, so experiment. Most come in two widths 49mm and 52mm and in a variety of shapes: ribbed, straight, plain ended, flared and contoured. Most condoms are lubricated with sensitol, nonoxynol 9 or another spermicide. There are also flavoured and dry condoms can be used for sucking but which are not really recommended for fucking.
Obviously thicker condoms will lessen the sensitivity of the cock. If this is a problem for you, try using one of the thinner brands of condoms along with plenty of water-based lubricant but check it regularly while you're fucking, as there may be a greater chance of the condom tearing. Also, a drop of water-based lubricant in the condom (or placed on the end of your cock) before rolling it on may increase sensitivity. Although thicker condoms offer better protection under ideal circumstances, the benefits are probably outweighed if your dick is so desensitised that you have to shunt about for hours on end like an inter-city 125 before you can come. (If you do tend to cum too quickly - a thicker condom may help delay your orgasm). Some manufacturers are at pains to point out that their condoms are only tested for use in vaginal intercourse although recent years has seen the arrival of 'stronger' (thicker) condoms like HT Specials and Gay Safe which exceed current testing standards. While there is some truth in the idea that thicker = stronger = safer, this has been at the expense of emphasising the need for good condom technique and the correct lubricant. What protection is a super strong condom going to offer you if you are unable to use it properly or use an oil-based lube? There are two reasons why condoms fail: product failure (something was wrong with the condom when it was made) and user failure (when people haven't followed the instructions properly). Trials (Involving vaginal intercourse) over several years have shown that condoms are very effective for regular users. It's unfamiliarity and poor technique, which can cause problems.
It is widely accepted that condoms should meet BS3704 (British) or IS04074 (International) condom and testing standards. You should be able to find this on the condom box or wrapper. However, the European CE standard is playing an increasing role in setting (what many believe to be) higher standards. Some brands claim to exceed BS3704 or IS04074. They might do, and (if they do) the claim isn't illegal. However, it isn't a guarantee of quality and could just mean that at some time, some samples of that brand passed the tests.
CONDOMS FOR FUCKING
- Check the expiry date on the condom box or wrapper and ensure that they conform to the recommended standard.
- Make sure there is more than one condom to hand and a condom-compatible lubricant. Some tissues or a towel may also be useful.
- If you're getting fucked, make sure your arse is well lubricated. Place some on a finger or two and start to work it up your arse. Make sure its spread up and around. The more relaxed the arsehole is, the more pleasure you should both get and the condom is less likely to split.
- A torn condom is a useless condom, so be careful with sharp/jagged finger nails, teeth or jewellery etc.
- Open the condom wrapper carefully, being careful not to tear the condom in the process. If you have already been using lubricant this can be difficult which is why some of us use our teeth. You could also use the towel to wipe your hands before attempting to open the wrapper
- Before you put the condom on your cock it should be hard and stiff. The harder your cock is, the easier this is to do. If you have a foreskin it will have usually pulled itself back, if not gently pull it back.
- With your thumb and forefinger squeeze the teat end of the condom to get rid of the air, before rolling it all the way down the shaft of your cock. This will make room for the cum.
- If your cock goes soft at this point - work up some steam and put it on later using a new condom.
- Unless otherwise agreed, ask your partner if he's ready before putting your cock up his arse. Then off you go. While you're fucking - you should check regularly to see that the condom is still in place, or has not split or torn.
- When you've finished, hold the condom at the base of your cock before pulling out so you don't lose it. Tie a knot in it to stop anything dribbling out. Wrap it up in some tissue or loo roll and bin it. (Don't put it down the toilet it will only bob back up).
There are two main types of lubricant: oil-based and water-based. More recently synthetic lubricants (like Slik or J-Lube) have appeared on the market; these are condom and glove compatible, but have the consistency of oil-based lubricants. Depending on what you want to do, you need to know which lubricant to use, and whether it contains a spermicide, e.g. nonoxynol9.In one way, oil-based and water-based lubricants behave similarly in that they reduce the friction between whatever is going into your arse and the arse lining. However, you need the right amount of lubricant to do the job. Too much - and the practicalities of what you're trying to do can become difficult. Too little - and you cause discomfort and pain (to both partners) and run the risk of damaging the condom, the arse, or both.
WATER-BASED & OIL-BASED LUBRICANTS
Water-based lubricants dry up because your intestine absorbs the lubricant's water content back into the body leaving a useless sticky residue. Insufficient lubricant increases friction and is a major factor in condoms tearing or causing damage to the lining of your arse. In fisting particularly, it's essential but not necessarily easy, to come out for more lubricant.
Oil-based lubricants don't dry up because your intestine is not capable of absorbing any of its components back into your body. It therefore stays there, goes further and lasts longer but this in itself can cause problems. Your lower intestine down to your arsehole is now a bob sleigh-run and any shit left can shoot out at a moment's notice! If you're into dildos or fisting then oil-based lubes are generally a better option. If you have a fist up a mate's arse, a comment like 'excuse me I've just got to pop out for some more lube', doesn't go down well. However, oil-based lubricants are not latex friendly, some would argue render them virtually useless, and so increase the risk of HIV/STD transmission. If you're going to fuck as well, either use a water-based lube, condom compatible lubricant, or one of the new plastic condoms or maybe try a femidom!